um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
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