So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
I wear drunk well.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Randomize
