pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
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