between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
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