i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
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