I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
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You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
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I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
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