East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
Randomize
