saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
