i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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