OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
