i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
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