Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
Randomize
