Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
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