He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
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