Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
