I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
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