she looked like the before picture.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
Randomize
