I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
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Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
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