Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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