Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
