I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
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