So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
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