We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
Randomize
