I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
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