So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
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