Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
Randomize
