Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
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