Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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