i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Randomize
