turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
only you would photoshop your dick
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Randomize
