if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
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Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Randomize