she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
vagina is talking i cant
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
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