New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
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My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
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I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
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