Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
Randomize
