craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Randomize
