I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
Randomize
