just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Randomize
