Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
Randomize
