Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Randomize
