billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
She needs sedatives and a leash
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Randomize
