So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
Randomize
