I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
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