I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
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