On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Randomize
