i was born a porn star she said
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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