whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
Randomize
