he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize
