you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
Randomize
