I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
Randomize
