spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
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