It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
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