I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Randomize
