the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
