i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
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