Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
The struggles of a small town man whore
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
Randomize
