Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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