Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
