Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
People in love make me want to vomit
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
You took a bar mat shot.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize
