I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
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