The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
