so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
Randomize
