sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
Randomize
