I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
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