his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
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