Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
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