Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
Randomize
