So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
