it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
Every concussion has its silver lining
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
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